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What's the difference

What's the difference between a physician, a surgeon, a psychiatrist, and a pathologist?

The physician knows everything and does nothing.
The surgeon knows nothing and does everything.
The psychiatrist knows nothing and does nothing.
The pathologist knows everything, but always a week too late.

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SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT

"Here's a list of things to talk about for tomorrow. Learn it."

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The Evolution of Medicine

I have an earache ...

2000 BC -  Here, eat this root.
1000 AD - That root is heathen.  Here, say this prayer.
1850 AD - That prayer is superstition.  Here, drink this potion.
1940 AD - That potion is snake oil.  Here, swallow this pill.
1985 AD - That pill is ineffective.  Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 AD - That antibiotic is artificial.  Here, eat this root.

Surgical Jokes

Q.  How do you hide a £5 note from a General Surgeon?
A.   Hide it in the Patient's Notes.

Q.  How do you hide a £5 note from an Orthopaedic Surgeon?
A.   Hide it in a Textbook.

Q.   How do you hide a £5 note from a Plastic Surgeon?
A.   Trick Question - You can't.

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ON THE CRITICAL LIST

"He criticises everything - the food, the staff - everything!

So I've put him on the critical list."